EnderMaximus's Blog

Posted on May 19th 2009 at 08:45:11 AM by (EnderMaximus)
Posted under News, Resident Evil


Earlier this week, the U.S. Senate heard statements on a proposed 32 billion dollar bailout package requested by the Umbrella Corporation.

Residents enjoying leisure time in Raccoon City. 

Albert Wesker, CFO of the Raccoon City branch, gave testimony to a senatorial committee on Monday.  In his statement, Wesker blamed higher taxes, a weakened dollar, and soaring energy costs as the main factors damaging the Umbrella Corporation.

Albert Wesker

Things have been hard for awhile now.  About a year ago, we had to lay off most employees of the Raccoon City branch.  It practically shut the city down.  We changed a few things internally, so we could hire those people back; or at least replace them.  But the economy is so bleak right now that we cant get people to even consider relocating to Raccoon City. And it has nothing to do with zombies or t-viruses'.  I feel the increase in taxes, as well as the astronomical cost of fuel, are forcing people to turn away from Raccoon City, and Umbrella.  And this is bad for business.  We need an influx of cash for man power and infrastructure improvements.  Without it, we may have to sell the company to foreign interests.

U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, who sat on the hearing, responded to Mr. Weskers statement.

We have reviewed documents and statements from the board at Umbrella, along with testimony from folks affected by the situation in Raccoon City.  Much of this information points to the self-perpetuated zombie outbreak caused by the Umbrella Corporation as the causation for their current financial woes.  However, I do not believe it is in the countrys best interest to allow Umbrella to fail.  I will recommend a rescue package for Umbrella, to be heard by congress next week.

When asked why they approved a rescue plan for such an obviously corrupt business, the Senate panel stated no comment.  The only statement we could obtain after the hearing was from Congressman Ron Paul.  We spotted the Congressman hiding from our cameras behind a pillar outside the Senate building.  We reluctantly asked him for his thoughts.

The last thing we need is another fricken bailout.   Everyone knows you cant go to Raccoon City cause the Goddamn zombies will eat your brains!  Shit, I wouldnt move back there.  Those liberals are just gearing up to socialize all the businesses in America, you watch.

Regardless of the divided opinions on this latest rescue plan, it seems that Umbrella will indeed be the next major U.S. business entity to receive federal aid.  We can only hope that this will help the American economy in the long term.


Barry Burton-S.T.A.R.S.-Maker of the Jill Sandwich

Wesker is a douche. A lying, smelly douche.

Rebecca Chambers-S.T.A.R.S.-idiot
Do you know why Chris left me in that room?

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