The 'Norch PorchThe 'Norch Porch
    

Posted on Nov 3rd 2012 at 12:52:59 AM by (Zagnorch)
Posted under skylanders, halloween wii drunk nintendo trigger happy giants

Greetings from Terra...

Inspired by http://www.rfgeneration.c...m/index.php?topic=10499.0 , I decided to celebrate Halloween by gettin' my drink on with some of the freakiest critters around--



AAAAIIEEEE!!!


NOT THAT FREAKY!!!

*GUUUUHH*

Geezus, I just about had a heart attack there. What the hell, man! No way I'd hang with a weirdo like that!



I have standards, you know.


Moving on: I decided to spend Halloween night knocking back a few of my fave libations-- Disaronno and Strongbow cider-- while playing Skylanders Giants, and pausing occasionally to jot down my thoughts on the game as they come to me. There's no possible way anything could go wrong with this little experiment.


Nothing like gettin' tanked to a video game aimed at 'tweens, lemme tell ya.


On the upside: no trick-or-treaters have darkened my front door in years, which means distractions are all but nonexistent. Best of all, I can keep this bag of fun-sized Butterfingers for myself.


Hey, Bart, I got'cher edible shorts right here.

 
On the downside: I have no close friends to invite me to their cool Halloween shindigs. Which means I'm all alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company.

My dark, depraved, disturbing thoughts.

And now you know the real reason why I drink...

But let's dispense with the self-pity, and get this mofo started:


A shot for my homies-- except for Pop Fizz (he's had more than enough).


DIFFICULTY LEVEL SELECTION:

There's the "pussy-ass nancy-boy" setting:



The "you're still a nancy-boy, but I still have a little respect for you" setting:



Aaand "the super-macho manly-manchild)" setting.



Whattaya think of that last one, Flynn?

http://www.youtube.com/em...I?start=1525&end=1527

My thoughts exactly!


CHAPTER 1 (Drinks tote board: Two shots of Dis and half a Strongbow)

I'm starting this one with the Giant Bouncer, and alternating with a few of my Series 1 faves. He ends up taking out a giant robot voiced by Mr. Sulu on this level. Which kinda sucks, 'cuz I really like that Sulu guy. (NOT in that way, though; besides, he's off the market)


OH MY!


Hey, I know: I'll just pretend he's the evil mirror-universe Sulu. You know, the one with the scar?



Yeah, thas the yticket. Now I don't feel so guilty abut killin him here.


CVHAPTER 2 (3 Dis, 1.5 SB)

I jusyt realized that Bouncer's voice is done in a stereotypical black urban fashion, reminiscent of Jazz from the first Transformers flick, but a bit more subtle. But if youthink that's bad, whenever Hex eats something, she sounds just lik Oprah Winfrey doing thast mmm-hmmm sound..


CHAPTER 3 (4 DIS 333 SB)

HEE HEEE WHOA WHERES THE CAPS LOCK WHAT THEfu found it yaay

When I saw the new Hotdog chara for this gam I thought he lokt kinda lame. I mean even his name has absolutl no imagnatin behind it at all. But then I found his soulgem 'ultimate' powerup.


A FLAMING BAG OF DOG POOP heh hee now I gortta add him to my collection when hecoms out juswt so ican use that power that's just so awesome


CHAPTER 4 [6 DIS / 4 SB)

Hpoly crap bad sulu is still alive! sorta yay and sorta boo too I guess.

The skystones minigames are waaay better than the cardmatch crap in the 1st game I mean theyre much more challenging cuz I actally lost a few of em

dAMN Stelf elf is hot, holy crap did I really just type that. That is SOOO GAY ha heeee


Aw no she brought her kid sister with her.
What a freakin c0ck-blok, right guys?


CHAPTER 5 [98 dis 51n sb]

Nooo I got kild for the 1st time, and my fave skylander too oh why, Eon whyyyyy


I dint man to killya Trigs, Im so sorty


Okay finally completd th levl. But I think ill go through the 1st 5 levels again to complewe all the challenges. Better check the strat gide first tho. But I'm havin a hard time flipping the pages, and it hard to reed


this things written in martian or something


Need to use the littl3 boys room brb oops never mind. Back to th game


BACKTRAcking CHAPS 1-5 (booz level OVAR 9000+ THIS... Is... SKYLAAANDS!!!)

MMM these are gooood butrfingers. Got some prunes too dont ask.

I kinda feel bad for Kaos' sidekick glumshanks. I cn tell from his dmenor n expresons that he knows his boss is gonna fqail hard in the end, but he goes along with the deal anyway. His loyalty to his buddys lost causes iz so beautifl an yet so sad.But  Im NOT gonna cry, Im not gonna cry--- oh god im totally cryin. Im such a fruit


Hes just tryin to get by in this cold cruel wrld
the best he can. Is that so rong?


DAMN I wish this was a M rated deal so I can see bllod guts & body parts fly when I fight da baddies just  thatd be the coolst thing evar! And the kids would lov it too

Woohoo just got my first Sklyander levled up to 11 goddan it took frekun long enuf

Why cant this game support th wii classic contllr id lov to have tha opshin

Hah I just killd a horde of elfthings eat me you douches

getting sleepy

[0joL:M?


To be continued?



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Comments
 
That was disturbing...
 
freakin' hilarious.
 
Zagnorch, I love the drinkin' and gamin' blog, I laughed my ass off and it makes me more interested in Skylanders

But if ya ever need a drinking buddy, I'm always here for you.


 
First of all, I didn't even know people drank and played video games at the same time.

Secondly, you spent way too much time on the 32x. That topic is getting old. This is the internet, stop filling it up with redundancy.

It wasn't a big deal, but you misspelled a word near the end. I presume you meant to type "killed" but instead you entered "killd". No big deal.

I always have thought you were a pretty upstanding dude, but now I know: You are a Trekkie. Nerd.




:p

 
@Link41: That was disturbing...

Yeah, that pic of the dude in the Sonic hat freaked me out, too.

@nupoile:

First of all, I didn't even know people drank and played video games at the same time.

Actually, I hadda pause the game to drink. Fortunately, I have a remedy for the delays for the next drunken gaming session:

http://www.amazon.com/EZ-Drinker-Guzzler-Helmet-Drinking/dp/B006CUJXMI

Talk about saving time.


Secondly, you spent way too much time on the 32x. That topic is getting old. This is the internet, stop filling it up with redundancy.

The internet is nothing but redundancy. It just keeps repeating things over and over and over again, until it drives one to drink. It's a vicious cycle.

It wasn't a big deal, but you misspelled a word near the end. I presume you meant to type "killed" but instead you entered "killd". No big deal.

I was actually trying to say I was wearing a kilt, but couldn't come up with a proper way of saying it.

BTW I went commando, too. Consider yourself fortunate that I deleted those pics...


I always have thought you were a pretty upstanding dude, but now I know: You are a Trekkie. Nerd.

At least I have more dignity and a sense of shame than any brony or pokeymans fanatic ever will.

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