My Dad Died

[Antimind]

My dad died yesterday. I got a phone call at 11:20am EST from the Pittsburgh paramedics asking to come pick up Mary (my grandmother) because she can't be alone and Michael (my father) died. I just about hit the floor cause this was a total shock. Apparently it was a massive heart attack and he's the one that called 911. They didn't even know I'm his daughter because my grandmother has alzheimer's and the only number she could remember is my mother's old one which was disconnected. I don't even know how they got my number.

Right now I just don't know what the hell to do. That's why I'm here and posting I guess. Me and my dad were very close. I talked to him for a few hours a day and sometimes two or three times. Right now would be about the time that I would call him. I can't make it in for the funeral (the reason is far more complicated than money). Pretty much the only thing I can do is make phone calls and assist my brother with setting affairs in order via phone and e-mail.

I'm starting to accept the fact that he's gone and I'm calming down about it but at the same time I'm really worried. I don't know what's going to happen to my grandma. She lived with him and my aunts don't want to take her in. They didn't want to have much to do with her before either. My mother is with her now but she can't take care of her, she can't even take care of her self with the Parkinson's. My dad was keeping an eye on both of them. My grandma has her wits about her enough that yesterday she told me she's going to have to go into a home. I really don't want that to happen but it may be best. If my aunts would decide to take her in they're flaky and it wouldn't be a decent life for her. If there was any way we could take her in we would in a heartbeat.

I'm also worried about my brother. My dad was financially helping both my brother and myself. We're starting to get on our feet but my brother is still struggling a lot harder than we are. He can't afford food or his car insurance and he definetely needs it to go to work and take my mom and grandma to doctors and grocery shopping. I just can't see how the hell he's gonna make it.

I really don't know what the hell to do right now. The only thing I can do is make phone calls an do the every day stuff but I don't feel right doing the every day stuff. I don't know what to do about the future either. We were going to be remarried in the church and my dad was going to walk me down the aisle. Now I don't want to get remarried in the church. I just don't know what the hell to do with myself. Even though we lived in different countries, my dad was a part of my everyday life. I do know that I'm sick of hearing "I'm sorry". That's all most people have said to me in the past 24 hours and I just can't handle any more "I'm sorry's". "I'm sorry" sure the hell doesn't bring my dad back, find a new home for my grandmother, or take care of my little brother.

[atari_wizard]

My condolences go out to you and your family. These times are the toughest and I know everything will work out in the long run. I think it would be better to have your grandmother in a home, rather than at your aunts who will not treat her properly.

[captain_nintendo]

Laurel, I am sorry to hear about this. You and your family have my condolences.
Was your dad a vet of the military? I know that the expenses for a military burial or creamation are far cheaper. You are a very strong person, and I am sure you will make it through this. I hope everything works out for your grandma as well.


Can your brother find a better paying job? I know times are tough, and it is hard to support yourself when you are on your own, let alone when you have people depending on you.

Does your Grandma have good insurance? Will it cover a home? I know it sucks to think about, but would going into a home be best? I am sure you will figure it out.

Again, I know you are tired of hearing "sorry". But I dont know what to say.... I couldn't imagine my Dad passing away Even though he is getting up there in age, I would be devistated.

Take care Laurel

[ganonbanned]

i am very sorry to hear this.  my great grandmother is expected to die with in the next few days and my aunt is going to die with in the next month, shes been on life support for the last week and it keeps getting worse.

[Antimind]

Sorry to hear ganonbanned, just so much death lately. First my grandfather, now my father, and sounds like you'll have your fair share too

Was your dad a vet of the military? I know that the expenses for a military burial or creamation are far cheaper.

Can your brother find a better paying job? I know times are tough, and it is hard to support yourself when you are on your own, let alone when you have people depending on you.

Does your Grandma have good insurance? Will it cover a home? I know it sucks to think about, but would going into a home be best? I am sure you will figure it out.

He was in the military for a short period but unfortunately, we can't find his discharge papers. He'd been looking for them himself for the past few years. He was a firefighter for the City of Pittsburgh. He has a benefit from them that's covering all but $1500 of the burial cost. He got a plot years ago but they're charging $1000 to dig it up. He's already got a headstone too, the plot is for him, my mom, and my grandparents (who are already in there). They just gotta add date of death to the stone.

My brother has about the best job he can get right now. The garage where he works, those guys love him and they loved my dad. They gave my bro a certificate for $2000 toward a lawyer to handle things and off of work till Mon. They've actually come through for him quite a bit. It's just that car insurance and utilities are pretty damn expensive. He could get another job making slightly more than what he gets now but the travel costs wouldn't make it worth it.

My grandma's insurance will not cover a home. We'd actually started looking into the options a while back when she started getting worse (for the future). My aunt tells me though that the home my great-grandma was in is govt run and they just took her social security check and called it even. I know for a fact that would be the best option cause every home we called wanted waaaayyy more than what her check is. Long term she's gonna end up in one but right now especially I think she needs to be with family.

[sinning.dragon]

I know you're tired of hearing this, but it's true: I'm so sorry. :/

I'm also sorry you can't make it to the funeral. I won't be able to attend the funerals of my grandparents when they pass and that hurts as much as the idea of them dying, I think.

I hope everything turns out as wells as it can for you, and your family. </3

[Funk_Buddy]

Best of luck with the situation.

I don't know where your Grandmother is, but look to see if there is a Little Sisters of the Poor home around. You don't have to be Catholic, but you do need to be poor or have little money. There's one in Kansas and Louisiana that I know of. A friend of the family lived there and it was a really nice facility and the nuns were fantastic.

Here's a link of locations:

http://www.littlesistersofthepoor.org/pages.cfm?ID=29

[Antimind]

Thanks Funk. I talked to my aunt last night and she told me that when they put my great-grandma in Kane Center, they just took her social security check and called it even (govt run). Kane Center is a very nice place with tons of activities and staff that's on the ball. I think Kane is a great option and if she doesn't go with family that's where she'll go.

[Funk_Buddy]

That's good to hear.

[Pop Culture Portal]

Nothing I can say can make you feel better or help you in any way, I'm sure.  You just need to know that RFGen is a great place for you to escape reality for a bit, and something I would recommend...to give yourself a break.  Play a game or two or three.  As selfish as it may sound, don't forget to take care of yourself in all this mess, too...and don't forget to post here, too...kind of as a means of therapy or something.  Hang in there...we're all pullin' for you.

[den68]

hang in there Laurel. Remember the gang here is always willing to listen when you need to vent.

I'm thinking of you.

[ganonbanned]

i hate to talk about my own personel problems, but my great grandma will die with in the next 12 hours.  my mom just took of work to see her, she is breathing 6 times a minute and almost every thing is failing.  i wish i would of got the time to know her more.

[Izret101]

Wow...
Laurel that really sucks about your dad.

I couldn't possibly understand how hard things must be for you right now but i am sure you will pull thru.
I am sure GI will help as much as he can and like Den said you know we are hear to listen to you vent and what not.

I hope everything works out with your brother, mother and great grandmother too.
I remember your mothers situation being somewhat of a worry when you hopped the boarder.

You have my cell #. I can chat damn near anytime this weekend if you need/want to.

Neither of us are much for religion but i'll do some praying for you guys.
Couldn't hurt anything.

@ Gannon sorry to hear about your family as well.

[Antimind]

Thanks boys and Terz, I just might give ya a call tommorrow. Tommorrow morning is the funeral and nobody will be around in Pgh to chat with till evening prolly. Right now I'm more bored than anything. I really did talk to my dad a lot and now it's like weird. The main person I bullshitted with I can't call anymore so I just dunno what to do in the morning/afternoon. I'm still not used to it.

ganon - It's just fine to talk about your situation and especially here. Most people (assholes) would prolly be choked for you posting in a thread like this but I'm not. I'm actually glad there is a place where you feel comfortable enough to post. I know how you feel. There are so many things I don't know and never will. I hope for your great grandma's sake that it's over quickly and she doesn't have to suffer. I watched my brother die slowly for years and toward the end it was really horrible. Not just for him but for everyone. It's hard but it's a lot harder on everyone when there's a great deal of suffering involved. I hope things get better for you.

[Tynstar]

I said my piece on AIM. Good to hear about the home for your Grandma.