If I had a monkey...

[Lord Nepenthean]

...I'd have him run around my house and pester people a lot.  I wouldn't really make him do chores for me or anything - just run around and be silly.  You know, monkey things.  I'd probably get him a little mokey tuxedo and a little mokey bowtie to wear.  After all, any monkey without a tie doesn't have any respect for himself.  Then I'd buy him mokey movies like Dunstin Checks in and Mighty Joe Young.

What would you do if you had a monkey?

[Arrrhalomynn]

What, no MSPaint?

If I had a monkey, I'd put it in a cage, and walk it through town, so it can sling poo on people standing on the sidewalk.

[Lord Nepenthean]

Those are nice poo hats your monkey gave those people.  You're going kinda bald in that picture though.

[Zimbacca]

I'd train him to use a rocket launcher and send it in for assignations of people I don't like.