Is Your Child is a Gothic? Reform Through the Lord

[Zimbacca]

I found this on another forum where the guy was being totally serious and I just had to share it.  I spent the last five minutes laughing my ass off over how stupid the list is.  I'd have to say about 90% of it applies to the averaged teenager.

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative manner.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.


If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.


I post this here so you can all see the dangers of this insideous subculture. I myself was almost lured into its self-destructive spiral, but through the help of my local church and parents I managed to escape. Your church can help you too, if you just pay close attention to the warning signs.

Thank you.  

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

Oh my God, I must be a Goth.


Pretty damn crazy list.

[atari_wizard]

I'm Goth too! Here are my 5 terrible wrongs.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

I don't really listen to Marilyn, but I do have parental advisory stickers on various cd's.....I'll just toss those.  

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.

Does this mean only lifetime & Disney Channel?  

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature

.

Well I'm glad GTA is for General Audiences.  |D

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Hmmmmmmm......well, I have been spending a lot of time checking the message boards.

-Dances to music in a provocative manner.

Everybody "Lambada"

[Izret101]

I am pretty goth too i guess:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

I don't wear as much as i use to. Still wear jeans ALOT though. Wonder how goth that is...

Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

I got a few, Rammstien, Linkin Park, Limp Bizket(undershirt now), Korn (actually never wore it). Nothing REALLY good though :-/

ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

Just thought i would add the is not a satanic symbol. It is egyptian.

Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

Tattoos are BA

Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

Manson is good, Disturbed is good, Hatebreed, Dope etc are all good. I liked Creed too though... what a dillemma

 -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Eccentric - 1 a : deviating from an established or usual pattern or style
Strange Jesus was like that in his time.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Boring, suck, garbage, depends.

-Drinks alcohol.

Yes and no.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

Have been in the past... maybe not suicidal though.

-Complains of boredom.

Use to do this nonstop

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

Mostly too little. Rarely do i sleep to much.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

Night time rules. I would probably stay up till early AM all the time if i could.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

Define unusual...

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

Kinda. Hanging out is way more fun though.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

Only when i am calling about the spirits of a darker and true Lord  

-Eats excessively or too little.

Mostly too little. On weekends too much if friends go out to eat.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

I only bite the heads off animal crackers too.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

In nearl every game made you take on the role of a different person. I read a religious pamphlet. I should find it and scan it.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

I don't make time for the computer i take time away for it for other things.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

Head banging and devil horns roxxorz. The "I Love You" is devil horns with a little thumb action.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Wow what a list that is. Counter-Catholic, Fake, Intelligent, ancient, misinterprueted and the last 2 are the oldest derived from even older religions and share beliefs in common with eachother and many other religions.



I concur that was hillarious.
thanks for the read.
I think i will post your list elsewhere too  

[Cham Zord]

My favorite is eating goth-related foods such as Count Chocula. Too bad this list is only a hoax. It would've been even funnier if it was actually put out by a church.

[den68]

holy crap I'm a near middle age goth!

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom. (when I'm at work but who doesn't?)
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. (do Boo-Berries and Frankenberries Count?)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (I'm too manly to dance provocatively.)

[Tynstar]

.

[Izret101]

He does that alot.
It is what the "Texas Longhorns do"

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

Yeah, I'd bet that according to that list ol' Dubya'd even be a goth.

[shaggy]

Oh shit!  I'm a GOTH!!

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

The thing I never got about goths is that real goths looked something like this:


Where'd all the black makeup crap come from?

[Sauza12]

Has anyone ever noticed that the only things that churches and parent groups go after are the things that more unpopular kids are going to be into?  Not that I'm trying to insult anybody on the board because according to this list, I'm the result of an unholy union between Satan and a witch.  

The Count Chocula thing was absolutley High-Larious.  Here I though I enjoyed Count Chocula because it was delicious, but it turns out that my unclean soul demands it.

[TraderJake]

Here I though I enjoyed Count Chocula because it was delicious, but it turns out that my unclean soul demands it.

Unlcean Soul? We can help. Please, take our free stress test.

[two_scoop_steve]

Man I'm going to Hell!!

[Sauza12]

Unlcean Soul? We can help. Please, take our free stress test.

Lord Xenu be praised!  She's tamperin' in dark sided stuff!